Photos and text appear after the line break.
March 18, 2009
"Bollywood Vampires: Intro"
Here is something I made in Photoshop, based on my screenplay, Bollywood Vampires, which I plan to enter in the Academy Awards' Nicholls Fellowship contest this year. Don't judge, some of the finalist screenplays last year were actually in the horror genre: zombies and vampires.
We are having blood curry for dinner tonight, honey.
May 17, 2011
"Bollywood Vampires, Pt. 2: Mahr Matters!"
Why am I doing this? Becuz I am bored, becuz I love my Indian culture, becuz I am Indian and I love sarees, becuz I love strong, beautiful Indian women, becuz I love vampires 'n' vetalas, becuz I love breaking down stereotypes of beautiful Indian women*** as weak helpless creatures, and rather portray them as strong, threatening, intimidating women who look like they'll fucking rip you to shreds and eat you alive.
If you don't buy me an Arabian horse, I'll sink my fangs into you, you bloody bewakoof!
Part 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 and then "Bollywood Jinn," "Bollywood Bhoot" (mega-scary BABES) are coming soon to your nearest computer monitor!
*** P.S that also includes Pakistani, Bangla, and Sri Lankan women. You know, South Asian and Desi. HOLLA!
May 24, 2011
"Bollywood Vampires, Pt. 3: Honeymoon @ Humayun's Tomb!"
Tomb in the Sufi district of Delhi, India. I cannot wait to bring my beautiful future husband to visit Humayun's Tomb on a breezy sunny day... someday.
After I became my husband's biwi, we visited Humayun's Tomb. It was so romantic, he was so sweet, I could not control myself. So I killed him and ate him. Astaghfirullah.
June 1, 2011
"Bollywood Vampires, Pt. 4: Bollywood Bloodbath!"
There's a dumb tradition in Hindi cinema that once a successful actress gets married, she must give up acting and devote all her time to the family, no matter how famous or successful she is. Even if she marries into a famous Bollywood dynasty family and if her husband is a famous actor, she's still expected to give it all up and become a housewife. That's happened to a lot of famous actresses over time, but that's starting to change today. More Bollywood Vampires coming soon to your nearest computer monitor! Stay tuned for Bollywood Jinn and Bollywood Bhoot!
When a famous actress gets married, she is expected to give up acting and become a wife. My fiance promised me he would not force me to stop making movies. I married him and he lied and tried to force me to leave Bollywood. So I strangled him and killed him. They will never stop me from acting in movies! And now I walk upon the red carpet, made from the blood of my dead beloved husband and these fools who try to crush my dreamz.
August 15, 2011
"Bollywood Vampires, Pt. 5: The Exoticization of an Indian Woman"
On my way to mandir for Diwali, some creepy guys hit on me and made me feel objectified and gross just because I'm an Indian woman in a saree. They made me feel like I was a helpless, stupid, weak, woman here to serve white guys. I got angry so I cut their throats open, drank their blood, and sucked the life out of their worthless souls. Don't ever fuckin objectify and exoticize me, or I will fuckin kill you and eat you.
September 6, 2011
"Bollywood Vampires, Pt 6: Tikka Massacre!"
Don't you ladies just hate it when you spend all day in the kitchen, cooking delicious food for your husband and then when he comes home, he doesn't appreciate one damn thing you do for him? And even worse, you dress up in a beautiful silky saree imported from the high street in Mumbai or Calcutta, so you can look nice for your jaan. Some jaan he is -- what a jerk!
I cooked all day in the kitchen, making aloo gobi, tikka, and jafrezi. It was hard work. Yet my ungrateful husband didn't like the food and called me a bad wife. I lost my temper so I killed him and finished off my dinner with his blood. It was delicious.
September 30, 2011
"Bollywood Vampires, Pt 7: FAIR AND LOVELY... FOR ASSHOLES!"
All of you Indians out there know what I'm talking about. Fair and Lovely, that disgusting, colorist, shadist, racist bullshit skin lightening cream advertised in India and overseas, telling Indian women and men that dark skin is ugly and it's better to be white and light-skinned! I'm so tired of it and so is this Bollywood Vampire! Fair and Lovely cream is manufacted by... assholes... for assholes!
I never felt ugly for being dark skinned but when I saw commmercials for Fair n Lovely which advertised that light skin was better and more beautiful, I became angry and upset. They made me feel ashamed for being dark. So I went the Fair N Lovely headquarters and yelled at them for feeding shadist prejudice to their own fellow Indians. Then I ripped their heads out and drank their blood. I will NOT be made to feel ugly for being an Indian in my own nation which is mostly populated dark-skinned Indians! Bloody chootiya.
